Sheepherders rolling in the dough

Dear Missoula Suckers,

You know, when you’re an old guy like me, you only got one gut to bust over something funny, and I just about busted it last week when I read the paper. If I would have busted my gut and died on the floor right here in my place, well, I’d blame this guy named Dale. No body would find me for awhile, unless my buddy from back east showed up. He might. But I’d be dead, and I would have died laughing. About what, you say? That sheepherder on Mt. Jumbo.

Seems that this guy named Dale wandered up the mountain early in the summer and talked to that mexican sheepherder. He felt sorry for him, working so hard for $2 bucks an hour and hardly getting any time off. And the newspaper did an article on him, too. Have to admit that at least the newspaper got it right, and they talked to the rancher too and he got his piece in about every sheepherder gets paid that much, and hell, I ain’t even making anything off of it what with the coyotes and the price of wool.

But then this Dale gets to feeling sorry for this sheepherder, thinks he’s doing a good job letting his sheep eat the weeds up on the hills, and says, well hell, we ought to pay him more. So he gets a back account going and the newspaper loves that.

So he got a bunch of people in town together and got him more than 2000 dollars. For free. Just for being a poor, broke sheepherder. How many fools does it take to come up with $2000 dollars? Who knows – they didn’t say.

Hell, the woman that runs the outfit that hires the sheepherders said it was stupid. She knows what she’s talking about. Yea, it’s hard work. But a hell of a lot of people in this sad world do hard work for a living and don’t get much out of it.

I think old Dale would think different if he got is butt out there and actually did some work. Like sheepherding. Hell, any kind of work. It wouldn’t be romantic, that’s for sure. Looks like he owns a border collie; he really must be dreaming of being a cowboy. He’s even got the hat to prove it. What do they say about that? All hat and no cattle. All he’s got to do with his time and his working dog is walk his dog on the mountain. Hope that poor dog don’t go crazy with nothing to do. I’ve seen it. Too many city folk get a working dog and then the poor dog goes crazy because it’s got nothing to do.

Let me tell you something: hey, I’m a nice guy. I work for the community. I call bullshit on this bullshit. Ain’t that worth something? Ain’t that worth a few bucks an hour? Hell, take up a collection and open a bank account for me. I pull weeds around here by telling it like it is. I got some cows back east that don’t have enough to eat. Hell, I used to have a wife. I won’t lie about that. I’m a sad case, worse than that sheepherder. Why don’t someone open up a bank account for me? I won’t even speak spanish for it.

Hah. I’m joking. I don’t want your hand outs. I don’t want handouts from fools. I got some retirement that I paid into from working. And I got social security, too, from paying into that for years.

So you can thank Dale and the fools that gave money for all the sheepherders who are going to show up here in the spring, looking for work or better yet, looking for fools in Moo-town to give them money for looking like a sheepherder while they’re standing on the corner.

Thanks alot Dale. You done your part to run Moo-town into the ground. Old Missoula. Go ahead and pray for her and get it over with. Here come the mexican sheepherders.

I bet any of those old cowboys at the poverello would appreciate a few bucks for the work they put in putting food on the tables of Americans. We’re good enough to let some mexicans in who want to work and feed their families, too. But it’s plum crazy to say, hey, we’ll give you $2000 bucks just because…. well, hell, just because we want to ignore everything else going on around Moo-town – the poverello, people sleeping under the bridges, old people without enough to eat. Make some mexican sheepherder think we’re all crazy – that’s what we need.

So long suckers, Till next time.

And what’s up with the stupid newspaper reporter who said “coyote-infested” Mt. Jumbo? I’d like to see him grow enough brain cells to be as smart as a coyote he’s feeling proud about that is infesting the hillside. Just go out and watch a coyote for a little while, and you’ll see hes got brains to spare. More than some people I know in Moo-town.

Late as a I don’t know what

Well, Jesus Christ. Been under the weather a bit on this end. But there’s so much to be cranky about I’ll be back at it soon. All them cute chicks around the U are back and in there skimpy litle clothes, too. Gives a man a reason to live for another winter in this dark town. And those fools running for president are getting more hot and bothered, so there’s plenty to cover. I’ll be back soon.

Till next time , suckers