Well, I been out of commision for a while. Can’t beleieve it’s been close to a year. Been kind of under the wheather and kind of laying low. What they call a Hi-ate-us. Sometimes people have to hiberate like bears.

But I think the doctors got me fixed up now. Hell, I an’t no spring chicken. And I ain’t going to tell you how old I am, neither. But we all got to die sometime. I got a few more kicks to get in.

But I can still get around, I like to go to the U and talk to the girls, though. Damn nice looking ones over there right about now. They’re all there for orientation, they say.

But I still been reading the paper, and got a few things to say. Hah, does the suprise you?

First off, I’m wishing old Bubba Mayor wouldn’t had cancelled that cell phone law. Jesus, I’ve been about mowed down a few times by people yakking on there phones when I’ve been trying to cross the street. They kind of look up just in time to see me and they hit the brakes. I’m lucky to be alive. I give them a piece of my mind and they look downright mean. But hell, keep your mind of driving and don’t kill me cause you’re talking baby talk to your kid. I’ve seen women drive right through red lights yakking on their phones. Ain’t you got enough to do driving?

Then, I seen a few kids riding a bike, carrying a cup of joe and tryig to talk on the phone, too. I seen them ride across a street and almost get flattened. Sometimes, you have to use some laws to make people have sense. But try and get some of those Ron Paul’s types to say that.

So, I kind of like old Bubba. Hell, it ain’t so much fun to make fun of now that he dropped some much poundage. He don’t look like a whale waddling down the street anymore.

The other thing that makes me laugh is the old sheepherder story again. That was on the front page this week. That guy from old mexico ain’t coming back, after some crazy townies rounded up a bunch of money for him. it ain’t like he was going broke anyway; ranch work don’t pay much, and he’s a mexican, so he don’t need that much anyway. But he went home with a few thousand extra for running the sheep that was eating the weeds on the hills.

Now, here’s this new guy. What’s going to happen to him? These townies going to raise more money for him? I don’t think so. He’s white, so no body feels sorry for him. Even though he’s been working construction for 4 bucks an hour in Havre and now he’s here, after slinging sandwiches and other jobs. He’s missing some teeth, he’s proud of his job. I want to see if those townies raise a kitty for im. Don’t be holding your breath.

So long suckers, Till next time.

Dear Missoula Suckers,

You know, when you’re an old guy like me, you only got one gut to bust over something funny, and I just about busted it last week when I read the paper. If I would have busted my gut and died on the floor right here in my place, well, I’d blame this guy named Dale. No body would find me for awhile, unless my buddy from back east showed up. He might. But I’d be dead, and I would have died laughing. About what, you say? That sheepherder on Mt. Jumbo.

Seems that this guy named Dale wandered up the mountain early in the summer and talked to that mexican sheepherder. He felt sorry for him, working so hard for $2 bucks an hour and hardly getting any time off. And the newspaper did an article on him, too. Have to admit that at least the newspaper got it right, and they talked to the rancher too and he got his piece in about every sheepherder gets paid that much, and hell, I ain’t even making anything off of it what with the coyotes and the price of wool.

But then this Dale gets to feeling sorry for this sheepherder, thinks he’s doing a good job letting his sheep eat the weeds up on the hills, and says, well hell, we ought to pay him more. So he gets a back account going and the newspaper loves that.

So he got a bunch of people in town together and got him more than 2000 dollars. For free. Just for being a poor, broke sheepherder. How many fools does it take to come up with $2000 dollars? Who knows – they didn’t say.

Hell, the woman that runs the outfit that hires the sheepherders said it was stupid. She knows what she’s talking about. Yea, it’s hard work. But a hell of a lot of people in this sad world do hard work for a living and don’t get much out of it.

I think old Dale would think different if he got is butt out there and actually did some work. Like sheepherding. Hell, any kind of work. It wouldn’t be romantic, that’s for sure. Looks like he owns a border collie; he really must be dreaming of being a cowboy. He’s even got the hat to prove it. What do they say about that? All hat and no cattle. All he’s got to do with his time and his working dog is walk his dog on the mountain. Hope that poor dog don’t go crazy with nothing to do. I’ve seen it. Too many city folk get a working dog and then the poor dog goes crazy because it’s got nothing to do.

Let me tell you something: hey, I’m a nice guy. I work for the community. I call bullshit on this bullshit. Ain’t that worth something? Ain’t that worth a few bucks an hour? Hell, take up a collection and open a bank account for me. I pull weeds around here by telling it like it is. I got some cows back east that don’t have enough to eat. Hell, I used to have a wife. I won’t lie about that. I’m a sad case, worse than that sheepherder. Why don’t someone open up a bank account for me? I won’t even speak spanish for it.

Hah. I’m joking. I don’t want your hand outs. I don’t want handouts from fools. I got some retirement that I paid into from working. And I got social security, too, from paying into that for years.

So you can thank Dale and the fools that gave money for all the sheepherders who are going to show up here in the spring, looking for work or better yet, looking for fools in Moo-town to give them money for looking like a sheepherder while they’re standing on the corner.

Thanks alot Dale. You done your part to run Moo-town into the ground. Old Missoula. Go ahead and pray for her and get it over with. Here come the mexican sheepherders.

I bet any of those old cowboys at the poverello would appreciate a few bucks for the work they put in putting food on the tables of Americans. We’re good enough to let some mexicans in who want to work and feed their families, too. But it’s plum crazy to say, hey, we’ll give you $2000 bucks just because…. well, hell, just because we want to ignore everything else going on around Moo-town – the poverello, people sleeping under the bridges, old people without enough to eat. Make some mexican sheepherder think we’re all crazy – that’s what we need.

So long suckers, Till next time.

Ranchdog

And what’s up with the stupid newspaper reporter who said “coyote-infested” Mt. Jumbo? I’d like to see him grow enough brain cells to be as smart as a coyote he’s feeling proud about that is infesting the hillside. Just go out and watch a coyote for a little while, and you’ll see hes got brains to spare. More than some people I know in Moo-town.

Late as a I don’t know what

September 11, 2008

Well, Jesus Christ. Been under the weather a bit on this end. But there’s so much to be cranky about I’ll be back at it soon. All them cute chicks around the U are back and in there skimpy litle clothes, too. Gives a man a reason to live for another winter in this dark town. And those fools running for president are getting more hot and bothered, so there’s plenty to cover. I’ll be back soon.

Till next time , suckers

Ranchdog

Four things: Bubba, Obama, punk ass kids and sheep herders again

Well, sheeiit. What I was thinking of came true. Old “Bubba” Engen ran in the marathon. Well, run is giving him too much credit. He hoofed part of it. That’s what the paper said. Almost busted my own gut laughing. Said that some charity pleaded with him to go do the marathon to raise money, knowing that he couldn’t in the shape he was in. So he went to some “trainer” and started trying to get the weight off, went and got a salad everyday for lunch. He was going to go under the knife and get his stomach tied off. Maybe a veterinarian can do that? Jesus H Christ – just stop eating so damn much. But he felt bad for the charity, so he figured he drop some poundage and risk a heart attack and try and walk part of the marathon. So, good luck, Bubba. Have to see where you come in. The paper even called you “obese.” Maybe the free lunch and picnic you’ve been getting from the paper is over with.

And hah, you Obama types are choking down some crow right now, ain’t you. ‘Ol Obama was going to save the world and change the world and do this and that so much you’d think he had a halo around his head. Well, he goes and votes for more government spying when all these kids who helped raise millions of bucks for him thought he was the best thing since sliced bread and couldn’t do a damn thing wrong. Hah. And now he says we’re going to stay in Iraq and even go to Afghanistan, too.

It’s a bitch when the “trust me” and “make me king and I’ll save the world” type goes and changes his tune because he is, after all, just a politician. Yup. When you liberal wankers going to realize that? He’s just another liar, trying to get elected. They’re all the same. But you young punks think you’re shit don’t stink and well, hell, we should all vote and give money for the candidate who is going to change the world. Just watch. He’ll change his tune on anything to get elected. Can’t trust him.

And that god awful shit that punk ass kid was shouting over the yakers in Moo Town last week on Thursday night. I mean, the music is OK, but christ we don’t need some punk yelling his commentary so loud yo can hear it all the way cross town.

This is Moo town. That’s the river. It belongs to us all, not some punk polluting it with noise on a nice evening. I wanted to plug him in the head with a rock but my aim ain’t what it used to be. The river ain’t supposed to be commercialized and sold down the river for a few selfish ‘yakkers and some shit they sell called Red Bull. Kayakers are selfish bastards.

Hey, maybe these liberal wankers can get Obama back here to call out during one of them yaker rodeos. Don’t know what Bubba could be for one of them rodeos. A whale, maybe?

And of course that mexican sheep herder on the mountain is jumping like a jumping bean. Some damn fool went and gave him money for doing his job. Christ sake. Now, every mexican in old mexico is going to hear from this guy’s family how some stupid white guys gave him more money – I said more money – for being a sheep herder. In Moo Town. So every mexican is going to want to come to Moo Two to heard sheep. Or cut grass. Or do whatever job that white guys won’t do.

Hell, give me money for writing this blog. I’m poor. I’m living on what little I got and social security. What’s the difference between me, enlightening the population of Moo Town and some mexican sheepherder letting sheep mow the weeds on the mountain?

All that needs to be said it just what that woman in the news said, the woman who runs the agency that mexican was hired through. What did she say? “That’s silly.” Damn right.

And while you’re at it, burn the rest of the mountain. Hell, get some good grass growing up there. The prairie needs to burn every few years. That’s what all you Moo Towners need to know. It’s called Nature. Something most of you city folks don’t know nothing about.

Till next time, suckers. And go help out your fellow drunk on the street.

RanchDog

Hah. Got a belly laugh this morning when I read the paper. Old “Bubba” Engen, mayor of Moo Town Missoula, stuck his foot so far in his mouth his toes was tickling his tonsils. And every wanker liberal is scratching his or her hairy head to figure out how they can help out this sheepherder make more money while they’re walking up to the peace sign with their dog.

The articles about a sheepherder up on Mount Jumbo and how he makes $800 a month doing his job all day, around $2 an hour they figure, and the reporter was saying how the sheepherder wants more money and the rancher who hired him is about ready to shut his operation down because sheep ranching don’t pay anymore.

Have to say at least the reporter got all the story. Could have been a whiner about how the poor mexican ain’t making much money, but the rancher was able to get in that the situation is a hell of a lot more complicated than most city folk know. It’s the cost of gas and taxes and he’s even loosing a lamb a day to an old coyote with pups. But the reporter does hammer away at the money thing, saying that even though he gets room and board he’s making less then college interns while those big wigs in the city government are raking it in.

Another time that city folk just don’t get it. Ranching just don’t pay anything, for the workers and lots of time for the ranchers, too, unless you inherit a whole bunch of land. But the mexican kinda knows how to work the press. The reporter has him rattling off some mexican about how he don’t et paid much and he don’t get no help up there.

But old Bubba says he’s going to look into it for next year. Hah. “Maybe there are other ways that we can approach this. Yeah, it’s not much dough – that’s for sure.” So now I can see the mayor of Moo Town decreeing that any sheepherder in town will be subsidized to the tune of the minimum wage, which is $6.35 an hour. What’s going to happen with that? Hell, if he gets minimum for all those hours, it will go to overtime, too, and pretty soon that sheepherder will be driving a brand new truck.

And then, every other sheepherder in the state and prolly Mexico too will be heading to Moo Town since they can make more money here.

Now, before you get a burr up your armpit, realize that sheepherding is ranch work, and it don’t pay much if anything. Look in the paper and you’ll see adds for sheepherders for the same pay. The rancher says that he’s paying more than most. There are all kinds of ranch workers in Montana that don’t get paid shit.

You have to know that farming and ranching is still the number one industry in Montana. But maybe soon it won’t be, with all the hippie and californicating turists coming through town and the Hell’s Angel’s, too, so maybe it will be turism and then maybe some body will start a business where you can come by a sheepherder for a paid turism vacation. I’d like to see that. If you read this and make a million bucks offa that idea, give me a cut, won’t you?

Hell, maybe some of them drunks hanging around at the courthouse that the paper has been writing about are sheepherders just back in town. I seen sheepherders do that all the time, get out of camp and in town and tie one on real good. Maybe we could pay them minimum wage to get out there and shake off the drink and work.

Hell, maybe Obama will jump in and say we should pay the sheepherders more money. I see he jumped in on the Plum Creek land deal, saying that the government and Plum Creek should be more up front with the deal they’re working out. Everybody says that, but it took Obama to be a real politician to bring that up since he was in Butte for the 4th. He’s just another politician. All them peace sign liberals were swearing he’d be different. Wake up and smell the espresso, hippies. Ain’t nothing new in politics.

When he hell is Engen up for election? Maybe he’s fishing for votes, too? He needs to drop some poundage to be in the running – hah, if he could run – for mayor again. Maybe he should run in the marathons in a few weeks. That would get him a hell of a lot more votes than trying to get a sheepherder a few more bucks.

Life’s a bitch sometime. That sheepherder ain’t doing too bad. He’s doing better than the drunks laying on the sidewalks that everyone don’t want to deal with. He’s making a lot more money than he would in old mexico, and he even says that he’s on hard times there, so he came here.

I don’t think you could get a white guy to heard sheep. That’s the funny part. None of them liberals would be caught dead herding sheep, but they can feel better about it if we pay the mexicans a little more. And then we can use the story in the paper to get elected again.

So long for now suckers, and don’t forget to vote.

RanchDog

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